This little light of mine...

So here I am in the front room of the base. The base is quiet at the moment, and I can hear Pierre-elie messing with the new hood in the kitchen over the stove.  My legs are sticking to the torn pleather couch and I am kinda uncomfortable. Nolan is long past asleep and I have talked the ear off of the few friends that I think like to chat with me on the FACE. (If they don't like to be blabbled to I do hope they tell me cause I can say an awful lot when I am bored.)  Like now! I played all the guitar I can play as I can't play more than an hour or so without feeling it the next day in my shoulder and my fingers are kinda sore. It is really exciting to me to be able to lead worship on my guitar b.c, as I have done this a handful of times in front of people and lots of times with my sister, Amy; I have not a lot of time behind the thing in this setting. I can't wait, but I know that I will mess up and that I will have to remember not to get lost in the songs as I so often do with the guitar. It happens for me playing bass as well, but not so much as I can stumble my way back to a kosher note. On guitar, if I play the wrong chord, I get all confused. I have to say I am getting to the point now where I can memorize songs without looking at the chart as long as I am not nervous. Problem is- as soon as I get in front of people, I can't remember what I practiced, so back to the chart I will go. You may think- "wow, how does this girl leave the house in the morning with all these worries about all this crap"? and  I say- with very strong coffee.  But, it all really comes down to this: I want to do a good job. I want people to be able to worship and sing to the Lord without worrying about what note I mess up or what I am doing. I want to forget all about this instrument that I hide behind and really let go. I am not musically at the point that I can do this with my friend, the dreadnought, (and no, I don't have a Martin) but on some songs I am able to forget about it all and just sing and dance and play. Now I have to do this in French! Don't get me wrong- I YERN for this type of challenge. I WANT to do this. I need this challenge as this is a passion of mine, I think. Some days, I think I just want to play music for the rest of my life and learn and grow and never stop. This is why I bought a cello. I can't play it right now (sniff, sniff) but I hope someday to become familiar with that instrument also, and use that as means to worship God.  This is something I feel very called to as I continue to see what God reveals  to me and see what has happened in my life.  I didn't used to feel this way. Before my DTS, for example, I actually started bawling when we were asked to write a song in my DTS, and the thought of doing that was so full of fear and pressure that I just exploded. They were so nice and encouraging. You don't always get that, but that is what being discipled is all about. Having people around you that can give you encouragement and grace and BAM right when you need it.  Also having trusted friends around you to push you into a calling that you may not have otherwise walked in.  As I grew in my craft, I began to see that God was using it and that encouraged me.  So, I hope that I can show God to others in that way like my leaders did for me. I hope that something in my life might be of value to them, that God's gifts to me could be gifts to them as well. This little light of mine- I'm gonna let it shine.