Boogie's Blog

So,  I have been encouraged to start a blog.. this is a daunting task as, if you know me; you will understand why,, or maybe not. I have a hard time opening my thoughts to the world. I hate to be mis-understood and I don't really trust others to deal with my thoughts and feelings.. I don't like being on display. I don't even feel comfortable singing in front of people and I am only just beginning to feel ok playing bass in front of people.

    Also, computers and I have a sorted past of dis-trust and discordance. I really struggle to type as my mouse pad is super sensitive these days. If you have known me for any length of time,, you may know I was a child-writer. By hand, not keyboard. I was not ever very public with my stories, but a few special teachers I trusted read them and of course my family was subject to my long-winded never ending crappy tales about some family or characters that I made up in my mind.

    So, as I "blog" (which is really like a public journal of selected topic perhaps). Even the idea of a blog seems stupid to me. I like to read others' of course, so maybe not stupid for them.. though I don't follow any one; I just don't understand why one feels the need to exploit ones feelings so openly...  I don't believe that many one's I know wants to hear my musings at any length b.c I can see their eyes wander as I talk with my mouth,,, why would my hands be any different? Hmmmmm

    You may then ask, why do it? Well, peer pressure is one reason. I have allowed myself to be convinced that my peers want to hear about my experiences and weather or not this is true, it sounds fun to try it and I am doing it also for the reason to take people with me on this journey to France that Nolan and I are going on. To let my "peeps" know where their help is going and to keep people who care updated on the progress. I also feel like God has used some people in my life to encourage and help me in my way,, His way, and I want to let them know that I heard and I will do it.. begrudgingly but not without excitement. :D I like to blab. I like to write. I just don't like to be talked about b.c i love people to talk about me b.c I am self-centered of course. I say of course b.c I love to be the center of attention b.c it makes me feel loved.. but I hate it b.c it makes me feel extremely anxious and uncomfortable and like a cat that has fallen in a river or a dog being laughed at and all I want to do is crawl in a dark place and lick my self dry...  ( for those of you that don't know, dogs don't like to be the butt of a joke,, they want to have told the joke).

    We leave in 2 weeks and a day and I am not ready, but very ready. I know that I don't know what to expect and I am so excited to see new surroundings and to learn about the world- particularly the French ! I can't wait.. but  I can. All in good time,, all in good time..